The Ironic Catholic: New Mystery Book of the Bible Unearthed, Then Found To Be Already In Old Testament

The Ironic Catholic: New Mystery Book of the Bible Unearthed, Then Found To Be Already In Old Testament

Biblical archeologists announced last week that a new book of the Bible has been found on a preserved scroll in a remote cave three kilometers from the current site of Hebron, Israel.

“Fascinating material,” pronounced American Benjamin Tandelli, the lead excavator. “Clearly a dark vision, apocalyptic in tone, full of despair and doubt, and lyrical in trusting the grandeur of God. It seems to me a worthy companion to recent discoveries of biblical era material, such as the Gospel of Judas and other secret texts.”

Tandelli’s enthusiasm was brought to a screeching halt two days later when the unnamed scroll was identified as the Book of Habakkuk, which is already in the Old Testament.

I can remember Father Szupper of the Saint Thomas More Oratory at the University of Delaware saying “Today’s First Reading is from everyone’s favorite Old Testament prophet, Habakkuk.” It’s a pretty interesting book to read. I especially liked this part of the “news” story:

Although there was initial derision in the academic community (“I’ve footnoted Habakkuk at least twice,” sniffed Prof. John Croissant of RBCU), response by church members in Tandelli’s hometown, Allentown, Pennsylvania, was generally supportive. “Well, I certainly have never heard of Habakkuk,” argued Marielle Delaney of St. Rose of Lima Parish. “And I think I am fairly up on the Old Testament. I know Abraham parted the Dead Sea and Moses almost killed his son Jacob. And King David almost cut a baby in two. And there were lots of wars. Most of what happens after that is filler anyway. So I’m going to run out and read this Habakkuk right away.”

Hat Tip: The Curt Jester

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3 thoughts on “The Ironic Catholic: New Mystery Book of the Bible Unearthed, Then Found To Be Already In Old Testament

  1. Willy, that’s part of the joke. Everything Marielle said was wrong. Moses parted the Red Sea, Abraham almost killed Isaac. This is mocking the typical Catholic’s Biblical illiteracy.

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