Ten Things You Won’t Hear in the GOP Debate

Jim Geraghty offers the following:

1. “I think the mainstream media has been exceptionally fair to me, and I salute them for their excellent work.”

2. “[Bad word] ethanol. Yeah, you heard me. [Bad word] it.”

3. “Stephanopolous, it’s bad enough a Hillary shill like you is our moderator, but could you at least stand up when you’re asking the questions? What do you mean, you are standing up?”

4. “Why am I low in the polls? Well, for starters, I’m just not that likeable. Money would help, but man, I can’t raise funds worth a damn. I mean, Christ, you think somebody would donate, but no.”

5. “I think Ron Paul’s answer was excellent, and I can’t add anything to it.”

6. “You know, it’s funny, it reminds me of something I heard on Olbermann’s Countdown the other day…”

7. “What am I going to do to help you afford your health care, sir? Well, for starters, have a salad once in a while, buddy. I mean, look at that waistline. Aren’t you ashamed?”

8. “On education, I believe that children are our future. Teach them well, and let them lead the way.”

9. “Does anybody else think Reagan was kind of overrated?”

10. “I was inspired by the past great leaders of our party: Nelson Rockefeller, Gerald Ford, John Lindsey… a tradition of greatness than continues today in leaders like my friends Lincoln Chafee and Mike Bloomberg.”

I don’t like Mimes

There’s just something about them that annoys me; something makes we want to punch them in the nose. Ugh, they drive me crazy. But doing so would be wrong, so I try to resist the baser urges where violence towards mimes is concerned.

Seeing something like this may override my reserve and actually punch a mime in the nose, though:

pant.jpg

pant4.jpg

A mime Mass. I was going to make a comment about clown Masses having gone out with the 70s, but a quick search on Google revealed that there was such a travesty just last year in Oakland. (The link has video.)

Father, forgive them for they know not what they do.

Hat Tip: The Cafeteria Is Closed

I don’t like Mimes

There’s just something about them that annoys me; something makes we want to punch them in the nose. Ugh, they drive me crazy. But doing so would be wrong, so I try to resist the baser urges where violence towards mimes is concerned.

Seeing something like this may override my reserve and actually punch a mime in the nose, though:

pant.jpg

pant4.jpg

A mime Mass. I was going to make a comment about clown Masses having gone out with the 70s, but a quick search on Google revealed that there was such a travesty just last year in Oakland. (The link has video.)

Father, forgive them for they know not what they do.

Hat Tip: The Cafeteria Is Closed