…you blame America last.
…you kinda like it when terrorists are made uncomfortable.
…you think that today’s serious foreign policy issues will take more than hillbilly charm and naiveté to handle.
…you suspect the Iran might actually be up to something.
…you prefer movies where American troops are the good guys.
…you think a Senate majority leader who constantly tells us how things are doomed while a war is still ongoing needs a good bitch-slapping.
…you think it’s great if a murderer finds God, but that doesn’t mean he should be let out of prison.
…you think America’s sovereignty is kinda important.
…you think anyone who talks about how the rich aren’t “paying their fair share” is a whiny little Communist.
…”great hair” is low on your list of presidential requirements.
…you think someone didn’t draw those border lines on a map just for fun.
…call you crazy, but you’d prefer a presidential candidate who actually shares your conservative views.
…you’d like Osama bin Laden’s next video to be him pleading, “Someone please help me!” before he’s pummeled on screen by the U.S. president.
…. You would prefer America to have a smokin hot first lady….
..or at the very least not have the first lady be a man.
…you think non-binding resolutions are for sissies.
…. you give reasoned responses to your preference in presidential candidate that does not include the words “cool” “Bill” or “Oprah”
….. you don’t wear sunscreen, comfortable in the knowledge that with Fred as your ally… the sun would never dare.
. . . you’d rather visit Chicago or Nashville than San Francisco.
. . . you think that the fact the Europeans do something is a good argument for doing something else.
. . . you’d rather have a burger or a sausage pizza than steamed tofu.
* You think that getting accurate news from the NYT is about as likely as getting it from the National Enquirer.
* You believe that socialized medicine might prove about as effective as public school.
* You feel genuine grief every 9/11.
* It didn’t take you eight years to realize that sweeping tax cuts actually boost the economy.
…you believe that Christmas celebrates Christ’s birthday, not a sale at Macy’s.
…you think low taxes and dead terrorists are kind of sexy.
… You can’t wait to see August 9 proclaimed as “National Punch a Hippie day”
… You are more interested in electing a President who wants to change America for the better, than electing a personality who wants to be President
And I finally broke down and got the shirt: