2. You don’t have to wear a tie (men) or a fancy hat (women) like we’re freakin’ baptists, but have some decency. How much money did it cost to air-condition this church? So put on some long pants, you can stand it. Don’t wear your favorite tasteless message t-shirt. And ladies, this is not the place to show off your big bosoms.
1. For God’s sake why do you come and say you didn’t sin at all? All you’re telling me is that you have a bad memory or no conscience.
2. I don’t care about your husband’s sins. Have him come if he’s such a sinner. This is your confession.
3. And for all of you who haggle on penances, I have to say I respect that a little bit. It’s funny, but it shows you take it seriously.
1.When you call up to schedule your wedding, don’t act all indignant when I ask who the hell you are, since you haven’t been to church since your first communion.
2. And don’t get in a little nuptial huff when I tell you can’t throw rice, birdseed, confetti or any of that crap. Would you want to have to clean up a big mess of that junk from your house every Saturday afternoon? I didn’t think so.
4. Please get some control over your mothers. Your own outrageous demands are bad enough.
5. Have some pity on your poor priest, who has to put up with your ruse that you don’t live together, your rude tardiness to your rehearsal, your showing up half-drunk, and the tasteless fashion decisions you make for your wedding party.
Hat Tip: The Anchoress