“She’s crazy, get rid of her.”

From “Beyond the planet of the crazygirls“:

It makes you think the cultures where the parents choose the kids’ spouses really have something to be said for them. You can at least give your boys some clues: Favorite book The Bell Jar? Out. Ambition is to be a poet/novelist/performance artist/other vague art-thing? Out. Weird friends? Out. One could go on. Somebody told me of a group of brothers who entered a pact that any one of them could veto the wife-choice of any other. Someone was in fact vetoed to the later gratitude of the intended victim. Not a bad idea. Sometimes the kindest, best, most useful six words one man can say to another, whether brother, father, friend or wharever are, she’s crazy, get rid of her.

I can think of two girls where those words would have helped me had I listened. One ended fine, the other caused me much pain.

The mutual veto pact is an excellent idea. After all, if the people who’ve spent their whole lives loving and caring for you and wanting the nest for you hate your intended mate, there’s probably a reason. I can think of a few people who would have been saved pain and anguish had I been able to veto their obviously inappropriate romantic choices. (At the same time, even this guideline can be imperfect: A cousin of mine recently was crushed by her husband who everyone in the family loved and thought was perfect for her.)

A few other rules I would suggest based off what I’ve seen and what I’ve been through:

1) If you ever defend your partner with the phase “you just don’t know [him/her] the way I do,” you should end the relationship.
2) If they’re bipolar, run.
3) If you’ve ever gone a few weeks without seeing them and didn’t miss them, accept that it’s already over.
4) If they think you should see other people, they already are.
5) If your friends think he’s using you as a beard, he probably is.

Hat Tip: Chicago Boyz

My Day Before Thanksgiving Rant/Bitch Session

1) It’s still too early for Christmas music.
   1a) Except for Elvis’ Christmas Album; that’s so good it should be played year-round.

2) It’s obscene that a few radio stations have already gone to full-time Christmas music.
   2a) Seriously, though, it’s hard to find a song right now that isn’t Christmas music. My frame of mind on this wasn’t improved by listening to Christmas music for almost two hours in the barbershop. (I guess everyone else was getting their pre-Thanksgiving haircuts, while I was just in desperate need of one.)

3) The song “It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year” is just incorrect. How can it be the “Most Wonderful Time of the Year” when there’s no baseball being played?

4) If I never hear “The Little Drummer Boy” again, I’ll still be annoyed that I ever heard it. Just an awful song.

5) To end on a positive note, Christmas season (which we’re still not in) is the second best season of the year, behind, of course, baseball season.

My Blog Personality

Typealizer: ISTP – The Mechanics
The independent and problem-solving type. They are especially attuned to the demands of the moment are masters of responding to challenges that arise spontaneously. They generally prefer to think things out for themselves and often avoid inter-personal conflicts.

The Mechanics enjoy working together with other independent and highly skilled people and often like seek fun and action both in their work and personal life. They enjoy adventure and risk such as in driving race cars or working as policemen and firefighters.

The first three letters are right. (I test out normally as ISTJ.) But that last part about enjoying adventure and risk-taking is completely not me. I wonder where they got that idea from my posts. (Most likely from some of the quotes I’ve posted, I guess.)

Catholic Humor

Following up on Duffy’s recent post:

A Dominican friar is taking an overnight train west to Minneapolis. He tells the conductor, “We get there at 5 a.m., and I am terrible at getting up early, so please give me a good shake and make sure I get up and off the train.”

“Sure thing, Father,” the conductor says.

“Thank you very much, and God bless you,” says the friar, giving him a handsome tip. “I’ll probably be too grouchy and tired to thank you properly at 5 a.m.”

The friar finds a seat and zonks out. When he wakes up, the sun is shining and the train is stopped at a station. He notices the sign says “Fargo,” and looks at his watch. It’s a little after 9 a.m.

He jumps up and grabs his bags, all the while yelling and cursing the conductor, the train line, the transportation industry, and all mankind.

Naturally, this scandalizes the passengers who can’t help but hear him as he storms off to get on a train headed back to Minneapolis. After he’s gone, one of the passengers says, “I have never in my life seen a priest so angry.”

A train conductor standing nearby said, “You should have seen the Norbertine I put off the train in Minneapolis this morning.”

‘Nother Meme

1. When you buy a greetings card are the words or the picture more important to you?

2. What’s your favourite kind of cake?

3. Do you ever make gifts for people, if so what, or do you buy them?

4. What’s your favourite holiday – i.e. Christmas?

5. Are you going on holiday this year? If so, where?
I’m going to Cleveland for a wedding later this year.

6. What was the best party you’ve ever been to?
Cousin Jeff’s wedding.

7. If you are married, describe your wedding. If not, what would your ideal wedding be like?

8. What’s the most romantic thing that’s ever happened to you?
Sitting on a porch swing talking to a girl.

9. What’s your favourite romantic song?
“Somewhere” by The Tymes

10. Which celebrity would you like a dream date with?
Anna Paquin! (But she needs to go back to brunette.)

11. Which female celebrity do you find beautiful?
Anne Hathaway.

12. Which male celebrity do you think is attractive?
Chase Utley. (But my opinion might be biased by his playing ability.)

13. If you could be a fictional character from a book who would you choose?
Hari Seldon.

14. If you could be in a television sit-com, which would you choose?
This is tough:

My first thought was “NewsRadio,” but then I’d be living in New York
Then I thought “The Office,” but I don’t think I could take working for Michael Scott
Then I thought “How I met Your Mother,” but then I remembered it’s in New York, too
I figure I’ll go with “Soap” since I enjoy flat-out lunacy

15. Which character would you like to be?
The Major. He always seemed to be having a good time.

16. What’s your favourite girl’s name?

17. What’s your favourite boy’s name?
John. While “Paul Smith” is definitely a cool name, how much cooler would it be to be “John Smith.”

18. What’s your supermarket of choice?
Acme, because I can use RecycleBank coupons there.

19. What is your best character trait?

20. What is your worst habit?

Via Hube, again.


From Hube:

1. Who or what is on your computer’s wallpaper?
Marines raising the flag on Iwo Jima

2. Go through your DVD/pre-bought video collection. Which three actors or actresses feature the most in them?
Charles Bronson. Bruce Willis. Harrison Ford.

3. Go through your book shelves. Which three authors have written the majority of the books?
Isaac Asimov. Peggy Noonan. David Gerrold.

4. And what about CDs?
Elvis. Temptations. Four Tops.

5. Open up the picture folder(s) on your hard drive. Of which actor/actress/movie/tv series/musician do you have the most pictures?
Ronald Reagan, but not because of his acting.

6. And what about your Live Journal user pictures?
Don’t have LiveJournal.

Here’s a little known fact…

From the November 2008 issue of Smithsonian magazine:

Multitudes of bats die around the world each year when they migrate through electricity-generating wind farms. University of Calgary researches now say the main cause of death is “barotrauma”: the turbines’ large revolving blades create low-pressure zones that cause bat lungs to suddenly over-expand, tear and bleed.

How long until the environmentalists seek to tear down the wind farms?

(And yes, the headline is a Cliff Clavin reference. I’m working my way through Cheers on DVD.)

More things I am officially sick of

  • Singers who add many and varied vocal flourishes to the Star-Spangled Banner. It’s not about you; it’s about our country: show it some respect. (Yes, I’m talking about you Patti LaBelle.)
  • People who travel in the far left lane and cut over to the right lane at the last minute. It’s called paying attention and thinking ahead. Try it sometime.